::Review 1::

::Review 2::

REVIEW #3

Silent Forest
by Dee

Silent Forest is the story of Serena, a witch whose mother was burned to death for being a witch as well. Cast off as a child from her family and village so as not to be killed herself, Serena grows up in the forest and meets her guardian, Luna. Ten years later, she is friends with Mina, also a witch, and together they come to the fateful day where they meet love - Darien and Malachite. Will these witches die as Serena's mother did? Or will love prevail over the narrow minds?

It was a difficult decision on whether or not to accept this fic. Here at last was a *unique* storyline, but even with its uniqueness something was missing. The writing was average.....the story wasn't one that you wanted to read intensely and after finishing the 4th chapter, there was no desire to continue reading. The conflict between the Craft the Humans is an excellent idea but the writing in and of itself was not of a level to give it justice. This seems like a first draft of a story with EXCELLENT potential. The plot, the themes, where it's headed - everything looks good - the writing just needs to be worked on.

The author needs to continue working on this story as she matures in her writing. With greater practice this will be an oustanding story.

A small problem with this story would be the slang - calling Darien "Dar" or saying "Duh, Mal" - for Duh, Malachite. Such language wouldn't be appropriate in the time span this story takes place and just sounds like poor writing. The author has enough vocabulary and talent to replace those words and make the fic sound more professional.

Overall, the words of one judge sum it up:

"The story is pretty good but the writing is lackluster at times. To make it a really good story worthy of the archive, the writing should be consecutively good. it has its good points, but in the end, falls short."

Tokyo Sunset
by Chloe Tipton

Tokyo Sunset begins during the R Season arc when Usagi and Mamoru are broken up. The author conveys the emotions of that time very well but the story doesn't capture the interest and emotion of the reader. The sex within the story does not add to the love between the couple. The expressions 'oh my love' etc are overused and lose their significance when placed within casual sentences.

The biggest problem with this story was that the main thing the reader was left with was sex. The story overall was well written and is a nice story for someone to read who is new to fan fiction, but the R Season plot and the gratuitious sex are too cliqued.

Advice to the author - your writing is good, but stay clear of sexual plot lines. They should be just a *small* part of a larger and GREATER story, and not make up the story itself.

The Reckoning
by Diana Tedone

This is a VERY unique and interesting plot line - the Silver Millennium told from the peasant Beryl's point of view. It promises to be a VERY good story - the writing is excellent and where the story leads to is predictable but will be interesting due to Beryl's inside reactions. The author is encouraged to finish the story and send the webmistress a link to the final story - email her at: webmistress@usagiandmamoru.com as she is willing to archive the fic based on the COMPLETE story or a majority of the chapters. The Review focuses on Usagi and Mamoru fics BUT will accept OUTSTANDING fics that focus on other areas of interest - this Beryl story being an example. The only reason it won't be archived now is because it's only 2 chapters long and we need MORE than that to make a good analysis of the story.

Only advice to give the author is this: according to manga, the Generals did not willingly side with Beryl - as in the present, they were brainwashed and manipulated. Also, manga Beryl willingly engaged with the evil entity Metallia to work with her to possess power of the Earth - Endymion was a side interest but not a main focus - power was the foremost since she was originally a poor peasant. It is NOT clear if she worked in Prince Endymion's palace as a servant so a note should be made to educate readers on that so they don't have wrong ideas based on fan fiction. Overall, EXCELLENT JOB!

A Love Like No Other
by Emily Waldon

Quick Synopsis: Darien is abused as a child, escapes from his abuser (his nanny) and hides out in space ship headed to the moon, in a crash landing, he is knocked unsconcious, has amnesia and grows up on the moon, meeting Princess Serena years later as an adult. Serena is being sexually molested by her fiance but finds love and comfort with Darien. This is their story.

It is a very well written Silver Millennium story that borders on alternative reality because the fic used MODERN names and MODERN locations and activities:

Natalie Wildman - Darien's nanny while Prince of Earth; the mall Serena and Darien go to on the other planets; the play Serena acts in and the "history of Earth" that couldn't have happened during the Silver Millennium time period for anyone to know of.

Because of inconsistencies like these the story was very HARD TO BELIEVE and these inconsistencies need to be properly written. The author is advised to go back and edit these stories to fit correctly into the Silver Millennium story line OR to label it as an "alternate reality" fic in that - yes it takes place in the Silver Millennium, BUT we're going to have the Silver Millennium have malls, and the history of the Earth, and modern names etc.

Judges felt that the use of Child Abuse and Sexual Molestation was of poor taste. While important to the plot, they were VERY serious topics that weren't absolutely necessary to the storyline. Did we have to spend a very long beginning of the story focused soley upon Darien's abuse? What purpose did it serve? And what of Serena's molestation? These very adult topics did not help to make the story enjoyable or interesting - they were a waste of time. The story was GOOD when it focused on Serena and Darien. Serena could have been hassled and "abused" without sexual molestation involved and still have Darien angry and save her.

The only other MAJOR problem with the story was the ending. Out of nowhere Darien finally remembers his past, and all the loose ends are tied up. The exile to that far planet was BORING. It caused Reviewers and Judges to scroll down and quickly get to the ending. The problem was that the story is SO LONG and you finally get to the exile and it lasts for AGES longer before a conclusion. It led to boredom and a feeling of "this is usueless and not necessary to the overall storyline." Would have been better to have the exile but quicken the events to lead to the discovery.

Overall - a story that lingers in the mind and is a very good read - total grade B+ but because of problems with inconsistencies and overemphasis on the adult topics make this less then an A+.

Jigsaw
by Ayame Muzai

In two words - Anime Clique. The first chapter is VERY fast, no details, just actions. There hardly seemed to be any mood to the story. No character development, no unique plot line. Silver Millennium fic, the ball, Prince Meets Princess - love at first site - same old same old. You can't just re-write what happens in the anime - SM fans have SEEN the anime - they want to read something MORE - different! A GOOD SM fic is one that lets you see a different side to the characters - to the whole world of Sailor Moon - either something never explained in the original storyline, or something you create that happens years later, or in an alternate reality. Don't give us the same old ball, the same old tragedy coming. There needs to be more meat! The author wrote well but without enough detail and unique plot to grab Judges' interests. Overll a B-.

Love Waits For You
by Stormlight

This is a VERY well written story - it shows a love that develops with time.

Its problem? IT TAKES A DECADE AND A HALF TO READ!

Beginning with Serena going out with a jerk named Ryan and getting secret admirer letters from Darien, the story is VERY slow in getting from point to point. Reader's attention was lost repeatedly and wound up scrolling down HUGE sections just to see where the story was headed. Because of its length (14 Chapters), and the HOURS it took to FINALLY become engrossed in it and have some interest - it will not be accepted at this time.

Overall the story gets an avergae of a B+. It's a nice story - superb writing, excellent grammar, but its length and slowness lessen its enjoyability.

Emerging of a Princess
by Jupiter Lightning

Emerging of a Princess is the story of Serena but not really - she reverts back to being Princess Serenity (anime). She gets her memories back and has a guardian voice inside her - she loses her whole identity of Serena, lazy ditz and does a complete 180.

What bothered 2 Judges wasn't the writing style - it was well written - the problem was how Serena suddenly became a different person. The idea of a guardian voice is EXCELLENT, but making a distinction between Serena and the Princess affected readers. In one Judge's words:


"What I didn't like was that Serena changed just because she had some memories of her past. It was like Serena could only be graceful, smart, and commanding if she was the princess but Serena *is* and can be those things she just doesn't want to. Trying to make a difference between Serena and the Princess always gets to me!"

Also, as one judge said, a major problem was the pace of the story - in her words:


"I enjoyed the Idea about Serena not being able to live on earth without her prince, but the way she went about telling the story had some problems. She made the story to fast past that there was know real mood. The fight scene's were very short like in the NA version, the senshi arrive moon throws tiara the end. There should have been more actions and descriptions to add to what should be a suspenseful moment. Plus the way Darien and Serena found out each others identities just didn't grab me. One minute they were in the dark and the next it was "Ya your so and so." Basically what I'm saying here is the major problem with this story is every thing happened to fast that you weren't able to get into it like a good book/story should."

Because of these problems, the story could not be accepted. Overall, the story earned a B-, a very respectable and good effort.

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