 
Stories which have been accepted have a If your story has been accepted, listed in the archive, and you have not been contacted, please email the webmistress of UsagiandMamoru.com at: webmistress@usagiandmamoru.com. Links to fics which were not accepted or which received negative reviews will not be found here, but author's emails have been included in case you wish to contact them privately to request their fics.
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REVIEW #4
There was a large backlog of stories since Septemeber. With school, finals, and the holidays, many works weren't able to be reviewed up until now.
In all 13 stories were reviewed and surprisingly, 7 out of 13 fics were actually accepted! In the past, the Review has rarely
accepted new fics, but these recent acceptances show that fan fiction authors are seriously working HARD on their writing, and even though they may
receive harsh reviews, they keep trying and succeed in beautiful writing. Congratulations to those whose stories have been accepted. You have a Some of the accepted fics may not be in the archive yet because we are awaiting the authors to send ZIPPED files of their stories so we can upload them. If you wish to know when new stories are added, please join the Usagi and Mamoru Updates/Notification List.
Where The Love Began Overall this is a nice beginning, but because it was only 2 chapters long, and short, we can't accept it until we see more of it and see where it is going. The author is encouraged to send the final, complete story to us.
I really think the author is doing a great job w/ Serenity, she is young and therefore uncertain as to her role, not only as a young queen but also as a young women. You can tell she really doesn't want to get married to the Prince that she has an offer from. She doesn't really like him and is doing it out of a feeling of duty - duty to her parents and duty to her people. She doesn't realize she also has another duty, a duty to herself. Her interaction w/ Daronius is real. I love their interaction - and find myself hoping they would just get over this royalty/ no royalty thing! The writing is good, the dialogue nice, the name "Daronius" is a bit cliched, there are some modern elements of orphanages, schools and discussion of poverty. Consideration will be given if a final copy of the story is sent in for review. Good job Millennium Guard, this story earned a B+ for creativity, and for drawing the reader's interest.
Classic Love A lovely story, full of romance, and sweetness based on the legend of the origins of Valentine's Day. A tale of a man and a woman in the middle ages seeking to marry despite an Emperor's law which prevented them from doing so. It's a simple tale of love, and it's very nice. The main problem with it, though, is that most of it is written in the passive voice. Take for example the passage below.
Overall the story is just sweet and lovely, but it would have been MUCH better if the characters could have come alive. For brief moments, like when they made love, or when they had dialogue, it started to happen - they started to come alive - I wish this had happened from the first. Overall grade B+
The Webmistress, Nishi, reviewed a Slip of the Tongue and there is only one word for this story: EXCELLENT! The author is to mail the Review the story in proper letter/font formatting as the font of the .htm files you sent us varied from +2 to 1. Please send uniform .txt files or uniform .htm files all in the same size font. Please mail the rest of the story as well as it is only 1 prologue and 3 chapters long. This story is an autobiography of Darien Mamoru Chiba, how he was raised in an orphanage with a disability: cerebral palsey. It's the story of how he grew up, meeting Serena at the orphanage and dealing with the events that happened to them. It will make you cry, make your heart warm, and it will make you root for Darien and Serena! It's told very well in both 1st person and 3rd person format. The writing is excellent, the plot draws you in. You're immersed in a child's life and you look forward to what you know will be a happy ending, but how it happens is what makes you want to keep reading. This story gets an A! Congratulations on your acceptance into the archive!
What a twist from the original story line! Serenity is the 2nd daughter and Raina is her older sister. Raina seems to be mean as does Queen Serenity, the mother. There is animosity between mother and daughter which upset and shocked me but by the 5th chapter, it was comforting to see Queen Serenity admit love. Serenity is engaged to Adonis, the brother of Endymion, who is engaged to Raina. Endymion and Serenity fall in love though, and perhaps this is what makes Raina so bitter and angry. The main plot of this story is the war that breaks out on the Moon. It's a blood bath and many awful things happen. It's a pivotal moment which sets the story up for its next phase. Beautiful writing, a very interesting, unique plot line, all with love, bitterness, rivalry and heartache make this an excellent read. Well deserving of its acceptance into the archive. Only advice to the author - it's somewhat upsetting to have a mother who does not accept her daughter. Although it is reality, in the Sailor Moon story, Queen Serenity was very much accepting and loving of Serenity. An explanation for this animosity between daughter and mother would be nice within the story. Please send another copy of the story in .txt format ZIPPED to the Review email address. Congratulations on your acceptance into the Crystal Tokyo Review!
Get your tissues ready! This one's a tear jerker, and I won't spoil it, but it is WELL WORTH READING, your tears will be worth it. It gets an A-. As children, they were named for the legendary Selenity and Endymion. Companions....they were the best of friends, and he promised to marry her. They are separated, she moved away.....only to reappear to him years later when he most needs her. But is she really there? Mamoru's cousin Rei knows the truth....a heart wrenching story of love that conquers death. Advice to author: the part where Selenity appears to Mamoru is very sudden. The reader is given a sudden jolt. There is no time frame reference given. We don't know how old Mamoru is when Selenity appears, or at the end when he visits the lake and Usagi comes. If you can edit these small areas to make it flow better and inform the reader better, the story would be perfect! Congratulations on a very good story and your acceptance into the Review's archive!
This is one for the records - the 4th story UsagiandMamoru.com is accepting. FIRE is an amazing story! Quite possibly one of the very best Serena and Darien stories I've ever read. Superbly written, I cried SO HARD. This story hit all too close to home for me and it inspired hope in me. Lois Fogg you are an amazing writer. Your story affected me deeply, as I have not been affected in ages! Fire begins with the fateful day Serena meets Darien....at a peach fruit stand, and how she goes on to see him again at Harvard. Amidst strawberry chocholate milkshakes with vanilla syrup they are drawn to each other by a fire greater than anything else they know. Only one thing casts a shadow on their happiness - Serena's life as the daughter of a rich politician. This story brings to life the joy of falling in love, all the sweet beautiful memories, and the heartache and depression of breaking up and coping. And it teaches you to have hope.....no matter what....it will be alright. An absolute MUST READ! For all of us who are dealing with heartache, may we all be as blessed and lucky to be together with the one we love....somehow, someway.... Congratulations on your acceptance into the archive! - Nishi
Certain Circumstances
Although it was a unique storyline, the writing was too rushed. The prologue itself happened too fast for such a serious tragical event.
A good writer would have milked all the description in the world for such a pivotal moment as being struck by a car. The point of writing a story
is to leave an impression on the reader's mind - to completely draw them into the story. We are to be so wrapped into it, so struck by the tragedy and the impact, only then
has the author achieved good writing. Whether it be emotions of love, anger, life or death, we can't identify or feel unless you give us more to be absorbed by.
The following is the review one Judge gave and she put the good points and bad points correctly.
Good Thing: While the plot is slightly overused (i.e. Usagi getting into an accident and ending up in the hospital) the effect of the accident is completely new. This is the first fanfic I have ever seen with the idea of making Usagi deaf. Good imagination! Not-so Good Thing: In just a prologue and two chapters, the story seems incredibly rushed. Everything happens all at once -- Usagi has an accident, ends up in the hospital, and all of a sudden, has lost her sense of hearing. I want to know more! What was going through Usagi's head at the time? Show me emotions! I know that there is an ulterior motive to all of this (getting Usagi and Mamoru together -- it IS a first season after all....) but take the time to develop the scenes and characters. When using such a realistic plotline, you have to flesh out parts of a story to make it more believable. How it Could Be Better: Take advantage of being the author. Get into the minds of your characters. And develop the scenes and emotions to make them more believable. It's a good start with a new idea, and I'd like to see more in the future. The author is encouraged to work on this story and her writing and reapply with the final chapters. We need more to judge this story since it is so short.
Moonlight Destiny Two words to describe this story: very confusing. Although the writing was excellent, the way it was formed, how it went from scene to scene became very confusing. Judges had trouble following what was happening, what had happened to Sailor Moon, the Soldier, and all the other characters. The way it jumped from scene to scene, not quite finishing left readers frustrated. It is not enough that your writing, your sense of style and word power be good. The way you tell a story must be understood easily. Here, the events and the characters became so confusing that the beauty of the story wasn't worth reading.
I am astonished by the number of excellent stories which have been submitted and am proud to add the 5th new story to the archive. Patch, this story was INCREDIBLY FUNNY!!! In summary, Usagi is having her...how should I put it appropriately, her time of month and has cramps and she asks Mamoru to get something from the store for her....what could a woman having her time of month possibly need from the store....which could cause a man mortal embarrassment?? The extent to which our poor Mamo-chan is deflated as a MAN had me roaring with laughter! Such a sweetheart and yet even the strongest of men are bent to our will when we females have THAT time come ;) VERY well written and an enjoyable read! One Judge's comment:
This fic has been added to the archive! Congratulations to Patch on a job well done!
Antigone tells the story of the fall of the moon kingdom based on the manga, but in her own way. Three words come to mind: powerful, dramatic, and beautiful. This is the work of a skilled author, one who can weave both beautiful writing and thoughtful plot into one incredible story. The story of Serenity and Endymion's love, the chaos on both Earth and moon, and of the general's deception are brought to life. We can feel the love of the senshi to their princess, and particularly beautiful are the lines Serenity says when she rushes to Venus' body and exclaims "she was so beautiful" and tries to wipe off the blood from her. It is a beautiful work of fiction and I cannot heap enough praise upon it. Well deserving of a place of honour in the archive.
Identity It started out fine at first but as the reader kept on reading there were MANY problems with this fic. We always like Princess Serenity throwing a tantrum over being betrothed to the Earth Prince she doesn't know and doesn't love. However, for her to leave a letter saying she'd killed herself (but actually running away from Earth), causing Queen Serenity to faint, and bringing in Michiru and the outer soldiers....even having Princess Serenity say in a good-bye letter "to the 3 soldiers I don't know well" bordered on cheesy and absurd. Also having Serenity become "Serena Tsukino Age 16 living on Cavendish Road" is just mixing all sorts of times and made the story unbelievable. Another problem was the author referred to the soldiers as both scouts and senshi. Consistency is key to good writing, if you can't be consistent then best to refer to the soldiers as soldiers, and neither scouts or senshi. Also absurd was the fight between Jedite and Rei. She throws a vase at him because Jedite asks her where she was when she should have been making sure the Princess was safe, then maybe the Princess would not have killed herself. When Jedite leaves the room, the scene is made out to be a joke about how foolishly Jedite hits on Rei. The reason they fought was Rei's sadness over the supposed death of Serenity....to make the scene into a comedic joke about Jedite's skills as a "smooth move" player - this just shows poor writing. While the author does have talent in writing, she needs to work harder at making original stories which are well conceivied, well thought out, and well planned. Everything must flow together in a pattern. This story does not flow in one solid, well written pattern at all.
Dangerous Vacation Usagi's 21, just got engaged to Mamoru and has been accepted into college. She and Mamoru decide to go on a little vacation to NEW YORK, USA. The plane they go on has 2 terrorists who want to sell cannisters of nerve gas, labelled as oxygyen at an auction and skip out with the profits. Doesn't matter who dies as a result. Usagi finds out about this when she goes to get a snack to eat and runs into a man with a gun. She gets conked on the head from behind. Mamoru winds up joining her in the same predicament. They get freed by 1 of the accomplices and change into Tuxedo Kamen and Eternal Sailor Moon and save the day. Good points? It's well written and has a unique plot. Bad points? It accentuates what is negative about the story of Sailor Moon: it's cheesiness. Author points out (through one terrorists reaction) how absurd it is to see a lady with wings saying "I'll punish you." Accentuating the cheesiness is fine AS LONG AS the story is a comedy from start to finish. Here the story had some serious moments, and did not seem like a comedy at ALL. It reads like a cheesy detective novel, with a few corny lines. The author obviously has talent as an author, but because the story reads like a cheesy comedy, a lot of the enjoyability is taken away. Author is encouraged to work on comedic writing and serious writing. Overall, this story was not bad! It's better than a LOT of everyday fics. This has unqiue plot and, like the Judges agreed, YOU CAN WRITE WELL! The problem is more with the story than with your writing. Try your hand again at another story and submit again.
3 words: Magical, romantic, beautiful. The story is just so rich in emotions, ideas, imagery, themes, and it leaves a beautiful impression on the mind. Inspired by Beauty and the Beast and Interview with a Vampire, Darien's sad and lonely life registers with the reader. We genuinely feel hurt over the anguish he feels from his scars and tragic loss of his father. A GOOD prologue to this story would be devoted to an active scene of little Darien going into the woods, being attacked by the bear, and us actively seeing through his eyes, how his father and the bear wrestle and die. THEN skip to the future where Darien crashes his fist into the mirror. The fairy tale addition of the scroll and how it changes Darien to his true beautiful self is a WONDERFUL idea. Rei's role in this is important but comedic as well. Andrew's role at the end though, when he just announces his true purpose in the story was sudden, and the writing was too abrupt. We should've been somehow slowly led up to that. We are accepting this story ON ONE CONDITION - that it be HEAVILY run through an editor. There are TONS of sentence errors, bad word usage, and less than stellar writing. The reason we ARE accepting it is because it is such a UNIQUE Sailor Moon story that makes a big IMPACT upon the mind of the reader. So while we PRAISE the author for a WONDERFUL story, we are disappointed in her carelessness with her writing. Please have an editor carefully work with you on fixing everything and making this into a top notch multi-part story. And then email the final copy to the Review so that we may upload it and the world can see this incredibly beautiful fic!
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listed next to them and can be found in the archive. Once again, the reviews and opinions are NOT those of UsagiandMamoru.com but are the sole production of the Judges for the Crystal Tokyo Review.